My Quest

Did you have a less-than-picture-perfect childhood?  Do you feel like one of the only people in your family who knows the real you, or has interest in living consciously?

My name is Rei, and I'm on a quest. A quest to provide to myself what I did not acquire growing up. This blog will chronicle my efforts to grow consciously, discover myself, and reach my goal of independent living as a healthy adult.

I was not raised for this, by any means. I was raised to live for another, not for myself. Technically, I was raised by someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and as in many cases of this family dynamic, most people outside looking in would be surprised at the type of things I've experienced. I imagine this process will be tough and rewarding. I am determined to grow consciously through this, take charge of my situation, and make it better. Woohoo!!

I feel like the only one in my biological family who reflects on how I might grow into more of my best self. I grew up in a culture that rewards sickness, and one that does not allow others to have feelings. Dysfunction and pathology colored my models of the world. It will be a fun challenge to focus on removing blocks to health in light of that.

I am currently living in a situation that is not conducive to my conscious growth, and have decided to do something about it. Conscious growth is always possible, but it's also easier to heal the past when we're not staying with the people involved. I will confess that I was letting myself be okay with this arrangement, I was passively agreeing to remain stuck in childhood.

That's all changed, starting now.

I have lived with embarrassment and shame about moving back in with my parent. I am taking practical steps to shift the situation. Donations I receive through this website will support my efforts to develop myself past the past (heehee) and make my place in the world as an independent, thriving adult.

I am acting from a place of personal responsibility to shift the effects of all sorts of funky family dynamics. I'll be getting my own place as soon as possible, to support my efforts to grow past these experiences. This journey won't be easy, but it's mine to take.